You Think You're Jim and Pam but....
"That's so us." - Said every couple when The Office premiered and we saw the magical romantic journey of Jim and Pam. I think people also did this with The Notebook but... come on.. a boat ride with Ryan Gosling surrounded by weird looking swans and actual goslings? Nobody has had that. Back to J and P- America watched as Jim played his cards better than Bobby Fischer (or chess pieces?) and won the heart of Pam through brilliant subtlety, a lot of heart and flashing this charming half smile take to the camera with just enough hope and promise in his eyes to believe working in an office for nine years aint so bad after all...
"We are so Jim and Pam" became a lovely validation for romantic relationships and in a beautiful sense, people truly followed their hearts in real life. Yes, some of you out there are definitely a spawn of P and J (I just realized they are PB and J.. having a moment) and I congratulate you! However, some of you are not.
There are the unsung heroes of this brilliant sitcom that may be able to give you an idea of where your relationship actually stands, and they are Ryan and Kelly. The tumultuous, inconsistent, and deceitful relationship is actually more real and normal than you think. Everyone thinks they are PB and J, but sometimes, you're Ryan and Kelly. I am not saying couples are one or the other; some fall right in the middle. But what I am saying is, here is how to tell the difference:
1. If your SO doesn't know your middle name after over a year of dating---> R&K
My friend's mom once said, if he/she doesn't know your middle name after a month of dating, get the hell outta dodge. I believe in that. Get to know your person before they really reveal themselves (and they turn out to be the worst). Before you know it, it's too late and you're stuck going to their weird sorority sisters/frat bros wedding.
2. If you high five just a little too much for all the things---> R&K
High fives are cute. They are cute when you decide on what restaurant to order from onSeamless, or figure out a really adult life lesson together, or even get your pup to learn how to sit. They are not cute when you are sweeping problems under a rug and calling a truce. They are not cute when you both find out that you hate the same person. They are SUPER not cute after a great romp in the sheets everytime (unless it's totally awesome/mind blowing, then slap skin away!;) ). But don't even get me started on high fiving after a DTR.
3. If you come home after a long, hard day and dinner is on the table---> PB&J
Even if you can't cook, even if it's take out, it's the beautiful thought that you want to bring comfort and love to the person you love the most! Fuck, make PB&J with some goldfish. See what I did there? My friend, who is only known for making (DELICIOUS might I add) stove top popcorn, hunkered down and made a full blown feast for her hubby one night and it was so appreciated. I'm not sure if they high fived, but I am sure their love grew even more that night.
4. You instagram their face with a #mcm/#wcw every other day---> I'm gonna say R&K (unless it's actually on the appropriate day)
Some say that if you post too much about your SO, there is trouble in paradise. I am torn on this one. Some are just very happy and want to share with the world that they found their Jim! or Pam! I do think if you need to feel validated by your other half by being featured on their social media, it's probably not the healthiest. I say share away, but leave some sweet, intimate, and cute moments for yourselves. You'll cherish it more.
5. You only see each other after 11pm. ---> do I need to explain this one?
6. You are totally ok and happy to be the beautiful dork that you are with them---> PB&J
We are all so worried about appearing cool nowadays. We want our SO to think we are cool, chill, fun.. whatever adjective falls under that theme. When you can strip the cool girl/cool guy armor and be your dorky, weird, nerdtastic self, you know you have the real thing. We are often too worried about what the other will think on the first few dates. Normal. I say, go be 100% you. If you are a closet dork, come out of the closet and see if you can find your other half! Brene Brown has said "Being cool is the emotional straight jacket" Don't be cool. Be you. If your dorky SO loves you that much more for it, you hit the fucking jackpot.
7. He/She only calls when they need something---> R&K
If "hey babe, where are you right now?" is the first thing you have heard from them in 72 hours, don't respond. Throw your phone in the ocean, run away, change your name, start another life. Or just tell them to fuck off.
8. They go above and beyond to know that they love you ---> TRICK ANSWER
This could go either way. If they are planning a surprise trip or taking you on a surprise date night to all of your favorite places without needing anything in return, or doing it to make up for being a shit head, you have a lovely person. Keep them and do the same for them at some point. If, they have been a dick, and you did all of the above in #7, and then they show up with a mini horse at your door, that is NOT sweet or cute! You are Ryan and Kelly and shit's about to get weird and very unfortunate.
9. You know that even if everything seems to be going wrong in your life, you have your person at the end of the day and it makes it all ok. ---> PB&J (is anyone craving this sandwich now? brb)
Life is hard. Life can get long. Sometimes it's overwhelming and you just want to figure it all out in a day. You can't, though, and you probably won't for a while (hindsight is AWESOME though). What helps is knowing that, even when things become too much to bare, you have your person who makes you feel like it will be ok with them by your side. Maybe they make you drop everything and take you to breakfast for dinner, or they hold you and tell you your hair smells great, or they have an outside perspective that helps you realize it will work out the way it should and you are way better off than you think. That is real stuff and if you have that, don't let that go. Life only gets harder unfortunately. REALITY! SORRY ABOUT IT.
10. They still give you butterflies even after all this time ---> another trick answer!
Buddha has said that the strongest relationships don't give you butterflies at all. They make you feel grounded, safe, and comfortable. That said, if they still give you those feelings you felt after the first kiss, you're in it for the long haul. If those 'feelings' or butterflies turn into major anxiety, nervous tummies, and raging headaches, that's not love. That's an abundance of no. Try to decide what is worth it for you. If your physical health feels like it declines every time you haven't heard from them, or if you feel like the words that come out of their mouths are complete lies, they probably are. Trust your gut. It's so hard because your brain knows but your heart doesn't want it to be so. Trust yourself. Who am I to say anything, though? Both couples ended up happily ever after so take all of this with a rock of salt. Enjoy your life, lovebirds.